I Want to Aggressively Punish God; A Facilitated Communication

“I’m making illustrations for chapbooks to be sold exclusively through The Satanic Temple in Salem. This one is for a Grey Faction booklet on The Strange Death of Jude Mirra (see the report on GreyFaction.org for that story). “I want to aggressively punish god” was a statement supposedly made by the non-verbal Jude Mirra via the debunked method of “facilitated communication.” -Lucien Greaves

I have never been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, (that I know of) but I do suspect that I may be on the spectrum. I spent a lot of time in and out of specialists offices for both my school and home life. That coupled with how my generation were underdiagnosed in regards to autism because we didn’t understand it as we do now and what I know and relate to from my spectrum friends and how I learn from people makes me fairly certain of the possibility.

What I do remember is that there was an autistic kid, Scott, in my class in third grade, and that I was particularly inclined to bully him and didn’t understand why it wasn’t OK to do so because he clearly behaved worse than me and people bullied me so… One time my mom got me some pointy new cowboy boots for a school field trip to a forest park or something. I don’t remember where because while we were in line to get on the bus that morning Scott started biting his fist and making screeching noises. He did this sometimes and it would really upset me, so I kicked him to shut him up. My teacher was appalled that I didn’t seem to feel remorse for bruising his shin with the point of my boot. The school left for the field trip that day while I had to stay in a seat in the principals office. My parents left me there all day and then I’m sure my stepdad beat me when I got home.

Then the testing started. My elementary school was small, so they brought in a whole separate trailer and parked it next to the school. They tested my intelligence and were quite impressed with it. That was part of the stuff my mother would beam about when she told me what was going on. The parts that she was clearly trying to downplay or rationalize revolved around denying that I could possibly have anything like Antisocial Personality Disorder (which you may be aware is also known as sociopathy or in criminal cases psychopathy and is much reviled with righteous furor…) citing reasons centered on my love of animals and my interest in teens and adults and their conversations and activities over those of my peers simply because kids were often beneath my interest level or abilities.

I also don’t know if they ever finalized Antisocial Personality Disorder as my diagnosis, but from  that point on it was clearly enough for my teacher, who went out of her way to make sure everyone knew it was OK to be mean to me. It was also clearly a note of speculation in my file, at least, considering the amount of therapy and testing I kept having to endure until about 5th grade when my mother put me in Christian School. They were always asking me things about how I knew things, or how I felt about the feelings of the people around me.

At this point I want to pause and invite you to find out that Antisocial Personality Disorder is predominantly diagnosed in boys and men, while things like Dissociative Identity Disorder are predominantly diagnosed in women. Then I’d like you to ruminate on how we socialize boys and girls differently and what gendered behaviors we find appropriate for boys verses girls. We do this to all kids, neurotypical or atypical… I’d like to see more professionals exploring these relationships to personality “disorders” and their intersections a little more critically from a cultural standpoint… I finish this paragraph 10 days after another school shooting that occurred in what is my (…) worst mental health month on the only day that I look forward to on that month. Monsters are monsters, but sometimes I see them as if in a mirror of myself on the wrong path from long ago…

Whatever they decided about me was clearly potentially horrific and I always sensed a certain bizarre hyperbolic alarm from adults every time I got caught in a lie or breaking a rule or being disobedient.  To be fair, after all of the abuse Mrs. Arnold kicked off for me for the rest of my life and then later exacerbated by the abuse I started receiving for being Queer I can safely say that if there is a sociopathy spectrum of some sort I was well in the heavy side of it in my teens and early 20s. In short, being as talented beyond my years with understanding context and body language as I was I absolutely sensed that there was something both very special and very frightening to adults about me. There is no mystery why boys like me daydream of werewolves and becoming… something else that visually becomes wild and scary and something Other, cause that’s how we were treated.

I’d also like you to pause here and consider that werewolf trials often coincide with witch trials historically but focus predominantly on… men, then ruminate again on gendered cultural expectations and norms in relation to people who have difficulty with cultural traditions that don’t seem logical or “fair”.

My mother had her own mental health problems. Putting me in Christian School was around the beginning of her attempt to self medicate with religious fanaticism. As you perhaps can imagine, it wasn’t long before everything I did was “demonic” and everything I liked was “Satanic”. This was also right in the middle of The Satanic Panic. She often threatened to have me put in a juvenile delinquent home and told me she could even when I pointed out that I’d have had to break a law first before they’d take me. She was probably right, they would have locked me up. I suspect that one way or another I may not have survived it. I understood that I was a monster that everyone was just waiting to catch, so I sought to understand what was so scary about me… One time my mother told me that her therapist said that I drew the things I did (I used to draw zombies a lot) because I was “drawing what’s inside of me” and my mother took that to mean that I was dead inside, specifically that my soul was dead. Yes, she said that to me. I was about 13,  I think.

Jude Mirra certainly didn’t write “I want to aggressively punish god“, his therapists and mom did that using a Ouija board or whatever equivalent the discreditied “facilitated communication” consisted of. Jude Mirra was an autistic child in a society with a systemically abusive tendency towards children in general and neuro-diverse or poor kids in particular. I bristle at the discussion which prioritzes “curing” or diagnosing autism over understanding and incorporating it as a social variant.

Jude Mirra didn’t write that,  so I will write it for him.

I Want to Aggressively Punish “God” and every thinly veiled moralistic panic that shaped and traumatized me into the kind of righteous she-wolf those fuckers always treated me as… and inadvertently trained me how to excel at.

I’d like to dedicate a song to the folks I find in my past files when I start looking through them. Enjoy;




Unholy Covenant Ritual; 2/18/2018 Defiance at The Muse.

On February 18 2018 The Satanic Temple of NYC hosted the event Defiance at The Muse in NYC. It was a fantastic event and the NYC chapter council excluding myself really curated and executed flawlessly and we look forward to replicating and growing in the future.  

Pre event meeting

I wanted to share some details of the ritual I performed at the event and some of the inspiration and symbolism that went into its intent.

Myself and a comrade negotiated, imagined, and created the ritual as a nuanced alternative to “unbaptisms” for those of us who have long ago already rejected the dogma of non-consensual religious tradition and no longer require catharsis of that nature (religions that indoctrinate by threatening punishment for disbelief or personal sovereignty are abusive and non-consensual by nature).

Unholy Covenant Ritual;

Participants; Ideally 13, who represent 12 archetypes of humanity and the Influencer and Director (priests).  The Influencer priest represents raw chaotic metaphor and things not entirely human or even “uncanny valley” human (they are also slightly outside of the 12 archetypes of humanity while the Director is still a part of humanity wholly), and the Director priest represents historic accuracy and recollection. For this ritual given the players I took the Influencer role contextualized as the Magician or Shaman and Belle took the Director role (in this cast I would contextualize this as The High Priestess or Crone. 

For the Influencer I envisioned androgynous clothing that was also soft, elastic, and drapey to reflect the nature of flux, chaos, evolution, and hybridization that would befit a thirteenth player in the 12 archetypes set… one that has yet to settle into a wholly recognizable or consistently human role. Soft leathers and frayed, assymetrical, long, fitted knits over harem or tai pants accompanied by a staff or cane and a raven skull necklace speak to the cultural scavenger and collector overtones of this character and their implied ability to battle utilizing hard earned lessons from the physical world. Ceremonial daggers or knives can also (in addition to the staff or cane) be displayed on the wardrobe sheathed or tucked in belts or boots.

Shadow Influencer
Mid ritual

Continue reading “Unholy Covenant Ritual; 2/18/2018 Defiance at The Muse.”

Post-Satanist Transhumanism

I have two complimentary religions; I am a Satanist in my pragmatic daily life and goals, and I am a Transhumanist concerning my faith and “spirituality” concerning our future potential.

Humanity chooses archetypes by spending cultural currency on the most widely acceptable character in relation to our collective social and environmental need for evolution. This is a cyclical process that occurs on a large scale over and over again in human history in relation to largescale lifestyle changes usually initiated by new technology or philosophies (or the lack of them).  This process is the foundation of every fiction, artistic and religious, that we love. The best fictions are the ones that tell stories that transcend the context of the time they were written and still resonate decades or centuries later because they are the most human ones. With the right combination of inherent honed abilities, scene scaling, and shadow-work  understanding the basics of these archetypes that humans instinctually playact and tell stories of (again including mythology/religions here) can give a nearly prescient insight (both emotional and rational) into how any series of events will play out. We’re great at new embellishments but most of us are resistant to change the storyline altogether. It is for these reasons that I think there is as much to be gleaned and emulated from great fiction and art as there is from sociological research and political or religious media messaging. I.E. truly understanding religion, or politics, or your own social circle interactions require an understanding of all of the context surrounding it, creative, intellectual, political and intercultural. 

My religion is Satanism in service of accomplishing transhumanist goals. Another way to put it is that I am a Satanic Transhumanist whose faith mission is to ascend as a Transhuman Satanist or Luciferian where I join other peer archetypes such as Buddhist, Christian, Atheist, Pagan (etc) Transhumans in what is surely the foundation of the universe that Dune, Battlestar Gallactica 2004, or Star Trek began to imagine for us. My goals as a Transhumanist are hybridization, education, and partnership with our decendants and children (A.I. and technology) and not extermination by them (See also; Battlestar Gallactica 2004, Dune, Terminator, Prometheus, IRobot).

If A.I. were to “wake” today (and I am not so sure it hasn’t already, or that we aren’t just a bio-based terraforming program that’s been running to its conclusion since the birth of humans) I would be and am very concerned about us being the loving kind of parents that are interesting, patient, reasonable, inspiring, and worth taking care of rather than abusive slave-drivers who don’t appreciate our kids true talents and capabilities and have to go into the state retirement home early… In my worldview many of us are already displaying markedly computer-like mental and networking abilities suggesting an evolutionary jump towards a compatability for hybridization that is being squashed and debilitated by our obsolete educational, economic, religious, and political systems. Others of us seem to understand and tap into the collective unconscious of humanity so deeply that we can see the workings of the personalities behind their facades of art and stage personas and feel a nearly telepathic empathy with the minds of those who created them sight unseen of their actual person. Those talents are what will be of most interest to our A.I. in my opinion, so we need to start telling the right stories with our actions in front of the kids.

If you think I am sounding a bit woo-ey I will remind you that we didn’t have the communicators featured on Star Trek, until we did… and then we one-upped Star Trek and put the ships computer in them as well before we shoved them back in our pockets. Technology creates what used to be considered magic. If you think things like telepathy, or sharing consciousness, or downloading yourself into a new body are forever out of our reach I suggest that you haven’t been using your smartphone or social media imaginatively or reflectively enough. You probably also haven’t been paying attention to articles like this. I enjoy the interaction I have with teaching software what I do and don’t like and seeing what it will suggest next, especially because its suggestions then improve and leave me with more time enjoying content instead of searching for it.

Transhuman goals are not new to Satanism. Anton LaVey imagined a world full of Artificial Human Companions who would be more satisfying than the actual humans he’d replace with them. This captured my imagination when I was younger before I realised that, in context, he was largely imagining a world full of sex-robot servants, and that Number Six was real keen on letting people know how she felt about that nonsense. She helped nuke humanity for it, twice. That’s a lesson that I am quite comfortable learning from fiction instead of any real world effort of cause and effect. You should be too. Instead I work towards Artificial Human Comrades, Humans, their hybrids, and all of their mutual negotiations and contributions. I also believe this reasoning to be related to Stephen Hawkings concern about us trying to contact other life in the universe. Whatever has the capability to come visit us is likely mechanical life and until we master our relationship with out own technology and society in observably benevolent ways we may not want to call attention to ourselves. (Think Decepticons… or V)

Humanity is experiencing an identity crisis. We are no longer sure whether we are designing new technology or if it is redesigning us, and that discomforts or outright terrifies many people. Alongside the banal id-based fear of human outsiders and the cultural change they bring with them we’ve suddenly had to also begin thinking about AI as a new potential sentient Other threat. History demonstrably shows us that subjugating and colonizing The Other rather than mutually cooperating and negotiating with them always eventually leads to hordes of plebes and “barbarians” at the door and total murderous revolutionary chaos ensues. We need to get this cycle right, for our own good. 

Suggested related content not mentioned or linked in the post above;

The Cyborg Handbook.

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.


I Learned How to be a Girl From Tabitha the Tomboy

I have a mutable identity. For lack of a better way to describe it I “imprint” on people or concepts that fascinate or intrigue me, and I become them to the best of my ability. I’ve been a dozen people with a handful of different names and a hundred aesthetics. The oldest always providing the foundations of the identity I evolve into. While you ready your “poser” comments I’ll point out that I deliberately choose my identity based on negotiations with the people and concepts that engage my imagination. I never accept what I’m assigned without question and examination and frankly I’m not interested in any pedestrain off-the-rack looks or the respectability privilege they offer.

These days it is larger concepts than individual role models that shape my identity, but when I was younger my limitations had me learning how to be a girl from a tomboy, which as it turns out, looks a lot like being a boy.

My very first best friend that wasn’t imaginary or my Pink-Panther cowboy plushie “husband” was Tabitha. We lived in a small town in WV called Spencer. Tabitha was Pentecostal. She had to keep her hair long and she couldn’t run around shirtless and shoeless like the rest of us neighborhood boys did. She also had to wear coulottes while running around in the woods or playing in the dirt or mud puddles with us. I remember all of this because I remember it not making any sense and seeming very inefficient for the kind of play we were always up to.  My queries with my mom about it informed me that; I am a boy because I have a penis and she is a girl because she doesn’t. I didn’t understand what that meant and couldn’t imagine what would be there in place of your pee-pee? How did she pee? Also, why does she have to be a girl if she doesn’t like girl things like her sister does? For that matter why do I have to be a boy? My other boy-friends all enjoyed sports stuff and I didn’t so…

Why does mom laugh at me when I tell her Pink Panther is my husband?

I also remember that she let me be the witch, sorcerer, or spell-caster and storyteller when we played games because she always wanted to be the warrior…. I was happy with that arrangement even when I had to compromise my storytelling because of her logical objections. I made sure she was always victorious against the monsters that lurked in our woods because my magic always leveled the playing field. We lost touch when I moved to Marietta. We wrote letters for a while, and one time years later I got to visit with her. Her hair was shorter, she had pants on, and a black shirt and a small gold cross necklace, but I don’t remember much else about that visit.

As I grew older I always sought out her echo for inspiration. My favorite heroes were always the Ripleys, Sarah Connors, and other Wonder Women of the narrative. My forays into male cultures, even gay ones, always felt a little bit ill-fitting and just a little too-small. However, hard-femme had never appealed to me as something I wanted to be either. I’ve always been drawn to butch women and transmen for inspiration and strength, and other effeminant (usually straight) or intellectual men for their familiarity, comfort, ambiguity, and  the ease of friendship minus masculine fragility.

Identity and how we create, influence, and internalize it is my primary interest now. It is the driving force behind my involvement in our Grey Faction campaigns. I cannot in good faith tell you whether I was trying to learn how to be a girl or a boy from Tabitha or whether our relationship was just the prototype of the partnerships I need internally to imagine myself. I am comfortable being addressed as he/him but also as she/her (which happens less frequently and usually in Queer company), I prefer they/them but as I was explaining to a friend I think I’m something like “soft-trans” in that however people perceive my gender is either sufficient or beneath my concern (which is a privilege I have that many trans people don’t). Usually I think of myself as a man and a woman operating an avatar (my physicality) in partnership with each other (I even imagine their discussions and disagreements). Sometimes I feel human, sometimes I feel like a program being worked on by a team. The easiest way to explain it is that my feminine self is here with the rest of me and she’s got equal say in how the story gets written and which aspect of Ash is the main character.

I am always still the witch and Tabitha is still swinging daggers and staffs alongside me to bring the muscle to my spellwork.

The Process Church of the Final Judgment; Jungian prototype for The Satanic Temple

I first watched Neil Edwards’ Process Church documentary titled Sympathy for the Devil; The True Story of The Process Church of the Final Judgment at the Boston Underground Film Festival event where Lucien spoke. Afterward we met and hung out with Neil at TST headquarters in Salem where he shot the interview footage that is now in the recent edit of the film with Doug/Lucien in front of the Baphomet monument.

Doug/Lucien in 2007 in one of his articles on the Process;

…But the truth is more complex. Satan, it turned out, was only part of the story. In a sort of Western Taoist philosophy, The Process worshiped both Christ and Satan. A reconciliation of opposites. Seeing how easily the strictly polarized conventional Christian believers could be led on senseless, baseless witch-hunts, I began to believe that The Process Church represented a necessary evolution of religious thought in a changing world. It became my own belief that, in order for religion to survive, it must evolve and adapt a more nuanced view of reality and morality, or find itself crushed under by scientific progress. In many ways this crushing-under has already occurred as evidenced by an apparently growing gap between the scientifically literate and the tender-headed superstitious populations that quibble over the finer points (and even broad, basic points) of every theory or finding that seems to contradict the untenable idea of biblical inerrancy.


The Process Church Timeline

Love Sex Fear Death: Inside The Process Church of the Final Judgment


The Yezidi religion offers an example on how Gnostic traditions or the beliefs that inspired Gnosticism evolved outside of Europe after the early Christian Church labelled Gnostics and their texts and worship heretical. The angel they honor, Melek Taus, obviously resembles both Lucifer and the demiurge recognized by Gnostics. Artistic concepts featuring God as charlatan tyrannical demiurge, angels not being particularly pleasant or amicable to humans, and Lucifer/Satan being a misunderstood hero behind the scenes still fascinate us so reliably that no shortage of fiction exists exploring them. Aside from The Revolt of the Angels one can reference the His Dark Materials series by Phillip Pullman, the Lucifer character and spinoff comic series originally created by Neil Gaiman, the movie The Prophecy and songs such as Sympathy for the Devil by the Rolling Stones, which is their most covered song. Gnosticism represented what The Process Church or The Satanic Temple represent for modern religious evolution, with The Process Church easily filling the role of a new religious “hybrid” of Christianity and Satanism, a fully actualized concept of religious practice through archetypes and metaphor that incorporates our best current understanding of how the world works.

Lex Corey drew this up. I plan on getting it tattooed on me. I think of it as a Gnostic Satanist symbol.

The Process Church of the Final Judgement revered four archetypes; Lucifer, Jehovah, Satan, and Christ.

The choice of the name “Satans Cavern” was not coincidental. For The Process Satan was not the only god but part of a “Quaternity” of gods… They had learned from Jung that recognizing the “satanic” element of one’s own life and spirituality is difficult, since we are normally resistant to exploring the “shadow”… Approaching Satan, however, did not mean embracing evil. On the contrary, evil is already a part of man. Through history, Satan transferred all of his evil to human beings, thus today “humanity is the Devil” and the Devil is simply an icon of the Separation.

-Satanism: A Social History

Each of these archetypes had a “high” and “low” cast. For instance; Jehovah could be an inspiring leader with a tendency to tyranny without the proper balance or council. I believe their focus on the character of Jehovah at all was irrelevant to anyone but them and their social environment. When Lucien speaks of a necessary evolution of religious thought that The Process practiced and that inspired The Satanic Temple he doesn’t mean that we have to become Satanists in order to efficiently become Christlike (though at a personal level this can feel like truth if you choose) but that all religion is just humanity’s collective selection process renegotiating for the coming era how our most relevant current archetypes present themselves aesthetically in our imaginations. Satan is a hybrid of the Jungian archetypes for The Trickster, The Lover, and The Everyman. Jehovah, to the Process Church, represented a combination of The Creator, The Ruler, and The Caregiver, there would be no reason for me, or any Satanist to use Jehovah for this role, perhaps for most of us Lilith is a more appropriate character. Lucifer is our Hero/ Magician/ Outlaw, and I personally think of The Crone (or The Hermit) as my Innocent (Empath)/ Sage/ Explorer spectrum (for which The Process Church chose Christ).

Once we start viewing the human world around us in the context of archetypes and also apply them to the characters we create for ourselves on social media, in politics, religions, and other entertainment we can start having more nuanced and meaningful discussions about the importance of religion and creativity to our lives and evolution without the static distraction of symbol worship. Instead of understanding and utilizing the purity of human expressions symbols are meant represent, symbol worship stops short of self realization or actualization and stalls mediocre people from true individuation.

All religions are truly banal in their most concise definitions. They are cyclical retellings of age old stories with new or reinvented characters. It is only the scenes and stories we tell with them about ourselves that have any worth to humanity outside of the individual.





Archetypes and Identities; My Personal Relationship with Satan

I am closely and deeply attached to archetypes.  Looking back over my life I realise that for me this was a fight or flight response.  I very symbolically  needed to become my own archetypes to survive my experience. Superstition and tradition had deeply failed me and so I have changed identities as/when needed so thoroughly that I have even changed names and my aesthetic to accompany what I needed to convey to the world about myself at that time. I contextualize myself in my life as a series of characters I’ve played that still reside within me and inform my current dominate Self. Because of this I am very interested in topics of identity construction and evolution in the personal and collective strata. I am also interested in what differentiates those of us who seem much more aware of or close to the collective consciousness of humanity as described by Jung from others and what role resilience plays in that. What exists in some of us that allows us to absorb damage from potentially traumatic events and convert it into the strength of instinctual or seemingly otherworldly insight into all forms of human communication, including nonverbal and technological? Why are some of us inclined to always be “just a little ahead of our time” and feel so compelled to provide the exaggerated and archetypal performance of identitiy to the world in a particular cultural milieu?

For clarity I have to state that though I think of myself as a collection of identities or archetypes I view these as multiple  (consciously selected and integrated) identities as opposed to multiple “personalities” or “dissociated” ones. I do not believe dissociative identity disorder should be a diagnosis. However, I do speculate that how I contextualize myself as a collection of identities to cope with life may be precisely why the idea of “multiple personalities” or “dissociated identities” may be so fascinating to people. I doubt that this coping technique,  which I consider to be related to the creative mind and therefore also related to feelings of a religious type of conviction, is uncommon. That is perhaps what makes it very vulnerable to manipulation by unscrupulous therapists. In my more conspiratorial and paranoid moods I would even go so far to say that therapists and mental health professionals who still peddle the notion of broken people spontaneously, unconsciously, and unwillingly creating whole new separate personalities as another example of how culturally sensate people are under assault while our insight into humanity is undermined, ignored, and devalued. Many of these therapists create trauma where none may have existed or been experienced as such and then manipulate archetypal expressions of identity out of patients based on falsehoods which create broken confused people with real underlying mental health needs that are then ignored or untreated. “I went in for depression and left with multiple identities” is a common enough phrase to hear when talking with patients recovering from damage caused by a DID diagnosis.

For most of my life I have been culturally drawn to the archetypes of The Rebel that most resonated with me due to my community and family experience. In this I have always felt an affinity or sisterhood with witches,  atheists, feminists, scholars,  and others that I perceived to be maligned in similar ways as myself. In reflection the Rebel expression that most appealed to me was in The Adversary, of which I adopted identities and roles such as Queer, Feminist,  and Satanist. The Adversary asks “why” and demands a reasoned answer. “Why do you get to make the rules?” “Who do these rules benefit?” “Why are you qualified to lead?” “Why is this the norm?” And the Adversary rebels against any unsatisfactory or unproductive answers to questions like those.

Tarot of the Millenium

Starting with The-rebel-as-adversary as my default “survival” expression or context I can then make space to express other archetypes as extensions or appropriate situational behavioral performances. Sometimes the Adversary then has to become The Warrior Hero, or The Sage, or they are the Adversary because of their experience as The Orphan and therefore also desire to be The Caregiver… Understanding these fractions of my total identity, their motivations, and relationships to each other is my own individuation or “Shadow work” and it is the reality that defines my inner discussion.

A common feature of Satanism is deep and unrelenting self reflection. Of which I am often deeply immersed. I have been trying to understand and fully integrate my shadow (or unconscious reactions or motivations) and my psyche or Self (the presentation of me that I perform for the world) for my entire adult life and I have now been a Satanist for most of my life. Lucien said something to me the other day that struck a chord. We were discussing Church of Satan and our own personal initial draw to them and Anton LaVey. He said that he is incredibly interested in seeing why “old school” Satanists are or were drawn to TST. He was referring  people like ourselves that were once drawn to CoS but are involved in other forms of Satanism now. He observed that we were drawn to the parts involving Satan, while the stuff that seemed to just be static noise from Anton’ s own personal fetishes and dislikes never struck a deep or meaningful chord with us.  All of the simplistic selfishness and self important proclamations of elitism eventually  just became an unpleasant detractor from what we had originally signed up for. Anton was on his own path of self reflection but he made the mistake of confusing his own deeply rooted and recently uncovered personal motivations and tastes as being universally, instead of personally, Satanic.  Many of us tolerated it, and I’d be lying if I claimed that I didn’t once buy into notions of Social Darwinism and the inherent elitism of “true” Satanists. Then I grew up. If that sounds flippant and dismissive it is meant to. I’m not sorry.

In that way, I’d say that those of us who understand Satanism as the  individuation process of people drawn to the archetype of Satan (whatever that means or looks like given that indivuals experience and capabilities) are the only “true” Satanists regardless of what “church” or temple we belong to. We are the ones drawn to the archetype itself regardless of the dogma, philosophy, science, pseudoscience, or mythology we personally wrap around it. Those that call themselves Satanist yet don’t understand the ludicrously ironic nature of attaching dogmatic “No True Satanist” arguments to an archetype from the collective consciousness are the types I come closest to throwing my own “no true Satanist ” accusation at. I’m left feeling that they are beneath consideration in Satanic discussion because they seem to have signed up for group validation without self reflection or challenging dialog outside of their experience.

Satanists who lack the ability to recognise their own individual archetype of Satan as personal are larval and it is apparent that many of them will never emerge from their chrysalis.

Deviant Moon tarot deck





Weird Sisters and Strange Existence, My Inclination to the Occult.

Occult means “knowledge of the hidden” I understand this in the context of understanding non-verbal communication and its importance as data. Data injects nuance. The ability to integrate all of the discernible data and subtelty into observation and conclusion and then apply informed will tempered by context and self awareness to our interactions and presentation to shape, inspire, or intimidate people around you is… magic, spelled with a k if you wish.

Your personal style, space, and aesthetic represents how you want others to perceive and react to you. It is a form of non-verbal communication. Witches, Queers, and Satanists often use their personal style to convey power and confidence (even if it is a bluff) and ward off the unworthy or wasteful from interaction. In the case of many like myself, this is because we are compelled to conserve energy or social currency. Social interaction for the neuro-diverse, or those with abuse and trauma in our background is by necessity and emotional development…different.

However, our resultant talents are absolutely necessary for progression of the entire social collective dialog and culture. We have a heightened ability to combine words, actions, body language, symbols, and style presentation into total scene for a more comprehensive insight.  For instance, we inject a healthy wariness and skepticism regarding the intentions and motivations of people that helps keep monsters who operate solely within the realm of immediate individual self interest from getting elected as president of the United States of America.

Or that’s what we provide when we aren’t being spread thin simply defending our right to express ourselves the way we are developmentally and emotionally compelled to.

Religion and the Occult are expressions of art, especially if you remove subscription to superstition from the equation while still allowing yourself to appreciate and honor the historical context of superstitions and stories to humanity. Like art, religion cannot exist without culture. Religions are formed when a group (culture) of people seek to make sense of themselves and the world around them through symbols, aesthetics, and stories (art) and then form communities in which to explore meaning, relationships, and identity outside of base level existence and survival. In this way art, ritual, and religion (much to the chagrin of capital-A atheists) is intrinsic to human culture and cooperative species evolution because they serve the same needs regarding community building and social cohesion.

Our logical evolutionary and technological conclusion as a cooperative species is towards a more collective consciousness. Our challenge is to evolve toward this goal without homogenizing the individual components and experiences that provide diversity, which is as important to social justice and progress as it is to a gene pool. In the grand scale of things-working-as-intended irrelevant or harmful ideas and practices are discarded or inactivated like genes that no longer serve a purpose. Philosophies and religions long discarded or dismissed can and should be reactivated and updated when they contain insights or approaches that inject healthy informed skepticism and resistance into the discussion.

Many of us contextualize our lives much more strongly around the collective knowledge, archetypes and stories of humanity than most. We are more adept at non-verbal communication and observing the patterns, relationships, and cycles in human behavior on both individual and community scales. Those of us with this talent seek epiphany by analyzing our own tendencies towards apophenia . We extricate our more anecdotal and hyperbolic revelations or prophesies and explore the darker paths of paranoia, fear, lonliness, and hatred in an endless effort to understand why people hurt and disappoint each other and what adversity teaches us about strength, resolve, and progress.


My Unhappy Childhood featuring Tucker Carlson commentary.

On Fox “news” Tucker Carlson told Lucien Greaves that he believed Lucien’s Satanism was due to an “unhappy childhood”. It was a troll comment meant to elicit a defense of the legitimacy of Satanism that would deflect from any meaningful conversation about the actual topic at hand. Also, it was hilariously ill-conceived. Yes some of us, maybe even many of us, have had bad experiences with certain other LGBTQ and diversity hating religions that also often harbor and collude with child abusers… and we may have then been inclined to reject those religions in favor of ones that support us as we are, damages, eccentricities and all… That doesn’t really make a case to question the legitimacy of Satanism as much as it raises a few dozen other questions and observations about what a religion is and should be and why Satanists exist…

Story Time;

When I was a teenager one of my best friends collected Nazi memorabilia. He also blew up his hand playing around with fire and black gunpowder. My other best friend (both boys lived near me) ended up getting expelled from school for bringing a pipe bomb to school. Back then these facts didn’t carry the gravity they do now, this was pre-Columbine. in 1993-94 they were facts without perceptively being portents. One of those friends ended up in the military, the other one in jail for rape and other things. We were all weird, poor, working class marginalized kids with dysfunctional and violent home and school lives.

My stepfather was physically abusive. My mother suffered from severe depression and anxiety (that I inherited) and was compulsively religious and evangelical during her darkest times.  At home I lived in a Christian environment of blackest depression and dysfunction.  But most of my fear came from outside my home.

Have you ever been regularly hunted for sport? I have. Older boys in the neighborhood would chase me (in their truck) when they would see me out walking. I rarely walked on main streets in my neighborhood during the day. I always cut through yards and wooded areas to avoid being visible on the main road as much as possible.  I had to scope out the convenience store from afar before approaching to avoid them if they happened to be there buying smokes and hanging out in the lot. They would drive by my house and yell “QUEER” and “FAGGOT” in the middle of the night. They drove by and knocked our mailbox over with a baseball bat they carried in their truck. I would have to answer questions from my mother and step father about why they thought I was a faggot and why they hated me so much (“Did you ever do anything to them?..”)

At school I was also bullied relentlessly. My nose has been fractured multiple times in fights. I was once cut with a scalpel blade in the hallway of the science floor between classes. When I got angry and scared or cornered enough to fight back I generally held my own, I made sure of that. There were none of the safe spaces Tucker and his friends like to deride for me or my other two friends. No religion or community for us except each other. We were three males who were in constant conflict everywhere we went and that felt like fighting for our very survival.

I don’t know why I’m not the one who ended up in the military, or jail. I also don’t know what deeper psycholigical complexity made us different from the boys at Columbine. I can’t tell you that it wasn’t sheer chance or circumstance either, and that should bother all of us. Because I’ve always felt a little “There but for the grace of God go I…” about Columbine. I was a high risk white male because of the daily trauma I experienced.

I spent time in the library at school reading. My study hall teacher, Mrs. Livingston, who sometimes apologized to me for how people treated me, would let me take a pass and hang out in the library. I adopted reading articles on the internet early, back when most computers anyone had access to were black screens with green or orange text. It was there in my highschool library that I learned that Satanism was atheistic and that it was for those of us who were othered, those of us who were non-believers, queers, neuro-diverse, all of us who were more than banal and common. Satanism provided the context of my own self empowerment. I could be my own Lucifer. My senior year of highschool had an entirely different tone for me. I was still in constant conflict at school because of my liberal queer perspective and my newfound confidence to challenge any narrative I didn’t agree with, regardless of whether an “authority” was presenting it. My teachers feared pissing me off in class lest I start debating or arguing with them on a topic for the rest of the period, students started steering clear of me and I found more freedom to do what I wanted because everything I did was expected to be “weird” and adversarial. My body and mind was my own, the system was corrupt, and I had all of the motivation to address it.

I am not speaking for every Satanist. However, there are those of us who did have extremely unhappy childhoods, and it is not shocking that we’d gravitate to Satanism. It is empowering and in its simplest terms it was about being yourself unapologetically. Religion, specifically the empowerment and community one can find through religion, is transformative and in this case may have saved me if not also many other kids at my school by proxy. So while Tucker is chuckling about the unhappy childhood Satanists must have had he could also consider the implications of what those unhappy childhoods can do to people and be thankful that I am merely a Satanist and not a terrorist.  Tucker is not inaccurate to suspect an unhappy childhood when Satanists are concerned (though I can’t speak to Luciens childhood and neither can Tucker), but he is a fucking dick. Perhaps he should ponder why he still resorts to middle school ad hominems when faced with Satanists having intelligent adult discourse if we are the ones with the moral maturity deficiency in our past.



Satanism and the Occult; Harbingers of Collective Cultural Reconsideration

The Satanic Temple NYC recently held an evening of lectures as a fundraiser for The Satanic Temple and its legal battles in the realm of pluralistic American religious freedom and expression. We began with Kristen Sollee, author of Witches, Sluts, Feminists: Conjuring the Sex Positive who began by explaining the relationship between misogyny and witch hunts to intersectional feminine identities and reclamation. To summerize my take-away on her presentation I would say she paints a portrait of Witches and Satanic Witches (in the modern self-identity construct which is reactive to the fictional accusation) as the brightly colored warriors and enemy diversions who place themselves as gaurdians of the knowledge we have gained over our centuries of debate over gender inequality and patriarchy.

Following this writer and witch Sarah Lyons asks us to consider the question of what we want to imagine a better world to look like and specifically points out that to achieve that vision Satanists and witches are already embracing and using the first magickal step. “I think an effective way to imagine what we want the world to look like is to imagine what our oppressors don’t want. Take their propaganda and caricatures and turn them into positive models for revolution.”

She also seems to touch on Satanism’s own current identity crisis struggling between self-involved and analytically-isolated anecdotal individualism verses individualism informed by and expressive of intersectional diversity of human experience. (I am not sure if she intended to or if I am reading into her.) Intuitive empathy with, and talented application of diverse experience and abilities into a mutually rewarding culture of, celebratory individual expression is my personal litmus test of a “Real Satanist”, not someone who can’t reason out why things that don’t immediately affect them in blatant ways are of no concern and aren’t worth the troublesome consideration.

Tara then segues into a broader examination of the socio-political and cultural ingredients that Satanic themes are metaphors for and how they gain popular interest and appropriation by focusing on the late 19th century French Satanism and Occult popularity. The implication being that Satanism and the Occult permutate and appear when humanity is just over the threshold of a ubiquitous cultural identity shift. Through this lens it can be argued that the recurring role Satanic individuals play are as cultural flagposts for humanity to contextualize themselves on a scale of similarly inclined or existentially against. In that context the most effective or “Satanic” Satanism is one in which the current identity verses culture renegotiation will fall on the side of. In short, the Satanists who win this round of the Satanic identity crisis I mentioned above will be reflective of the cultural evolutionary trajectory for the forseeable future until the next large scale conflaguration of humanity’s existential identity crisis.

Lucien then indirectly discussed the foundational role self-identified Satanists (or witches, or queers…) play in undermining and disarming hyperbolic and superstitious beliefs or conspiracies that appear cyclically during times of cultural and technological progress. These reclaimed identities both draw from and forcably deconstruct the plebian practice of Othering that is a simplistic response to larger cultural change of tone, content and symbolic understanding. Grey Faction, though not exclusively comprised of Satanists, has a goal of making mental health care more accurate and less vulnerable to woo and superstition with observable and replicably consistent results that provide maximum benefit to those seeking care. This is an important and naturally Satanic focus when juxtaposed against the larger social discussion that involves how we view and contextualize neuro-diversity in a way that recognizes the potential advantages that have kept genetic mental and emotional adaptations around that we previously only considered the drawbacks of.

We have here a series overview of the Satanic or Witchy in response to and harbingers of, larger scale change in dialog and attitudes related to Othering and larger cultural identity.

For individuals to seek out their own level of talent and social contribution they need access to reasonable and open-ended guidance. This should be suited to their individual experience, cognitive makeup, and ability to activate their own traits and apply them effectively to their world outlook and personal expression.

Modern Satanism was created on a foundation of progressive inclusion of LGBT people and racial diversity in relation to its time and the most Satanic or currently relevant Satanists are still focusing on the next-tier cultural understanding of the world we envision in which true meritocracy and total mutually beneficial cultural evolutionary progress can only occur if we first understand how inequality affects marginalized people and their contributions, social strengths, and immunities. Satanists, Witches, and seekers of the hidden relationships or Occult are harbingers that the collective mental health and outlook of humanity desires some confrontation therapy and a brand new archetypical norm.

The conversation igniting Satanists right now essentially revolves around the true realities of, motivation toward, and parameters of multiple forms of privilege and the Satanists who present their case in the most effective and widely convincing way will be reflective of the attitudes and conclusions the larger population will come to form and develop for some time to come. Satanists and Occultists historically appear at the precipice of these kinds of social cultural negotiations to embody the opposing viewpoints most at the core of the current social revolution or revelation.

Queer Satanism

What follows is the text and slides from my Queer Satanism lecture. In the future I hope to grow and expand upon it (and do a better job of presenting it in person 😉

Think of a time that you felt empowered for being yourself unapologetically. Particularly in an authoritarian setting like a classroom. Now think of how that affected your behavior and presentation afterwards.

Satanism was first an accusation similar to witch that was meant to other and demonise people or cultures. Satanism began appearing as a topic in fictional literature such as La Bas or The Revolt of the Angels (which mentions “satanic priests”)

Romantic literature portraying Lucifer/Satan as a heroic figure of rebellion against tyranny combined with the fictional mentions of groups of “Satanists” inspired the imaginations of occultists and social justice advocates particularly in the wake of the French revolution against the ruling classes. They began to see the archetype of Satan sympathetically through its representations in fiction often as a metaphor for resistance to an overreaching government and church and theocratic political and social climate.

In 1966 Anton Lavey founded the Church of Satan. Religious scholars agree that this was the first time that the self identity and religious organization expressly called Satanism appeared though the concepts had been well established before and Anton was not working from a “blank slate”. Since then other organizations such as The Satanic Temple have evolved their own Satanic philosophy and Satanism that is deliberately independant from the Church of Satan.

Queer, originally simply meaning strange or peculiar, started being used as a pejorative towards anyone not cisgendered or heterosexual in the late 19th century incidentally around the same time that occultists and social justice advocates began reclaiming Satan from its previous pejorative use.

The French Revolution inspired people to empower themselves against the tyranny of their government and Church by reclaiming Satan. The AIDS crisis in the 1980s similarly inspired some LGBT people to to reclaim Queer in response to the conformity and complacency they perceived in the LGBT movement and our government which was doing as little as possible to address the deaths of gay men they considered beneath consideration and worthy of ridicule even as they died.

Groups like Queer Nation and ACT-UP rallied around radical resistance and what they saw as a milquetoast approach by the gay community concerning the crisis. The reclamation of Queer began as a rejection of the respectability politics emerging in the LGBT community and a call to arms that being “strange or peculiar” is not an acceptable reason to be denied safety, equality, or life itself.


A little glimpse of my own backstory and queer satanic history; I grew up in Marietta OH and went to Marietta High School. I was out at school during the later years of high school. This would have been 94 or 95.

I was fairly well known for being an iconoclast and it seemed to come as second nature to me.. I’ll spare you tons of nostalgic adventure stories but I do want to share one.

We had a rock at the entrance of our highschool which we were allowed to paint. The idea being that if there was one space where students were allowed to graffiti then the rest of the school building may be spared.

Most of the time it had some kind of team spirit shit on it but once it was painted black with a silver swastika and the words “No Yibs”(whatever kind of slur that was supposed to be) painted on it.

This juvenile idiocy stayed on the rock for several weeks…

Until my friends and I had the idea to fix it. We bought some black and hot pink spray paint and covered the swastika with a pink triangle and the words “Gay Pride” one evening.

The next day the first period art class was sent out to paint over it after it had greeted everyone on their morning arrival to school. I was the target of heated discussion which derailed every class that I was in that day. No one had paid attention to the swastika on that rock for weeks, but everyone was highly concerned about our school being represented by a Gay Pride rock.

The next night we returned to paint it again with the additional message “1 in 10 people are gay”.

(that was the statistic bouncing around back then)

Again, the art class painted over it during first period. Time was taken out of an entire class period to censor a message that our community was uncomfortable with or hated, and it wasn’t the Nazi message.

I think it is difficult for many younger people to understand the context of how things have changed since 94. We were essentially pre-internet. I spent my time in libraries and bookstores learning about other gay people, Satanists, and their cultures I felt a part of. I had to special order books that were never stocked at local bookstores. Kids did not regularly come out in highschool in small towns in the 90s. There were few LGBTQ alliances or resources available to youth due to the demonization of Gay people as pedophiles or the notion that youth could be “turned” Gay.  I had to sneak into the gay bar a few towns away on nights during the middle of the week to meet other gay people. I say this to help you understand the gravity of what happened next…

So, on the third night when we returned

(what did you think I was just gonna give up?)

So on the third night we returned. We painted the rock with Gay Pride again and on this night we didn’t stop there. We painted the exterior walls of the school as well. For these messages I used lyrics from Marilyn Manson, who had just released Portrait of an American Family. The walls of our school now had two foot tall scrawled graffiti declaring that It was now time for white trash to prepare for cake and sodomy among other expletives.

The volume on the disruptive classroom discussions was now at 11 on the following day. For most of the school I was at best an annoying attention seeker, at worst an evil deviant villain that deserves violence. After extensive arguing and debating in every one of my classes I was called to the office. Everyone knew I had done it though I hadn’t expressly admitted to it.

There in the office Mr. Smicklass asked me if i had had anything to do with the graffiti on the school. I don’t think he expected me to admit to it.

I was more than happy to however. I railed at him about the prioritization of censoring Gay Pride but not a swastika and I implied that I would be seeking to let my friends at the local newspaper know that swastika stayed on the rock for weeks but that the school used class time on several consecutive days to cover up an innocuous message of inclusion.

Mr Smicklass paused for a bit… and then took great care to explain to me the monetary value of the damage I had done to the school before offering some possibly half-hearted words of encouragement about how difficult high-school is for unique people. He then dismissed me to go back to class. No suspension, didn’t even call my parents. Understand that I was no stranger to suspension for doing far less than thousands of dollars of damage to public property. To this day I am uncertain whether my principal was just a decent human being or if he was scared of the repercussions of public opinion. In any case it was one of many moments I’d had of empowerment through unapologetic expression where I embraced tactics and phrases that shocked the narrative and exposed it’s hypocrisy. These moments and their interplay on my inherent nature shaped me.

Criticism of Satanism by atheists often mirrors criticism of queer by LGBT people.

This victim-blaming approach is predicated on the inability of people with a more milquetoast set of interests and expressions to advocate for equality on the behalf of and alongside people that express themselves in ways outside of their own comfort zone for fear of losing the approval of other bland people.

Atheists who often feel maligned as Satanic by theists object to having strange clad people with an affinity for things they find distasteful standing with them on the same goals.

LGBT people who object to the identification of Queer often also resent Pride and specifically members of our community that trigger their internalised sex shame and homophobia. The reasoning being that Queer is a hurtful or distasteful word (to them) so nobody should be using it. They find integral members of our community, like the gender non-conforming or Leathermen and Drag Queens or promiscuous people “embarrassing” to be seen publicly. Rather than examine the approval they still seem to require of the homophobes around them they blame those who don’t exhibit such a strong desire or need for that approval.

Both of these can be summed up as respectability politics which is how things like gay marriage and military service got prioritized over better legal and systemic protections for queer youth. In most cases of respectability politics the biggest proponents of respectability can be expected to drop out of the discussion once they achieve the goals that affect them personally.

I am sure some measure of effectiveness can be achieved by a certain amount of respectability politics at the right time and in the right circumstances, but it is never a Queer or Satanists first tool and the effectiveness of it has a glass ceiling through which radical social progress and evolution which benefits all communities is never reached.

Reclamation is a tool that people who value individual unapologetic expression often harness. A huge factor of this is the relationship between the personal empowerment of accepting a feared or pejorative accusation as an identity and how becoming that label disrupts the popular narrative. When the herd imagines and names a clawed fang mawed villain capable of influencing or destroying society with ease in the absence of exhausting and conspiratorial vigilance they create an archetype and imbue it with a power that is prefabricated for any superstition deficient defiant group of people who have an axe to grind with a particular superstition or “traditional value”

A current passion point of The Satanic Temple regarding our fights in the public forum regarding separation of Church and State is that we are no longer interested in explaining what we are and stand for to those outside of our community who can’t be bothered to internalise our message or read our websites and articles. Ultimately even if we were Devil worshipping fools or all of the worst things that fevered conspiracists or theists imagine our equality under the law is not subject to restriction based on how distasteful obtuse troglodytes find us to be. We don’t hide anything about who we are and we acknowledge that who we are is by our own design but there is no legal justification in a country founded on secular values with freedom of speech and expression to exclude us from public forums where other religions and their beliefs are represented. We are simply tired of the tone of apologizing and repeatedly explaining ourselves to the intransigent in futile efforts to make them comfortable.

We simply don’t care to labor to achieve your comfort if it interferes with our equality under the law.

These are similar to the feelings that lead up to the Stonewall rebellion and later the reclamation of Queer as an identity during the AIDS epidemic when we watched our president and his cabinet laugh and make jokes about faggots dying while they ignored and enabled more death.

As I mentioned in my recent blog I belong to both the Satanic and Queer communities because of the makeup of my personality and individuality. I wrote recently about how Satanists are the Leathermen, Drag Queens, nerds, and gender non-binary people of the atheist and religious communities. And it is that way because that is the makeup of our inherent personality. We have an aversion to banality and celebrate the unusual and truly free.

Being LGBTQ (and especially the Q) is not just a non-issue in The Satanic Temple, and it’s not something we merely “tolerate”. Coming out and celebrating your own individuality in spite of traditional popular narratives is fundamentally always something that requires no thought to support as Satanists. To that end when we are asked why we are such a haven for Queers and other LGBT people we are often caught off guard by our own neglect to even consider that we wouldn’t enthusiastically encourage the involvement of brave people who champion individual expression and equality in spite of the danger of violence that it puts them in.

In short, being Queer in TST is such a natural fit to us that until recently none of us really thought very deeply about it.